March Madness | Sunrise Politics | Snip-Snap

The Weekly has always found March to be an uplifting month. Daffodils are in full bloom and it is the month that cheerfully ushers in the official start of Spring (20th) and day-light saving time (31st).
It is also the month when we welcome the inward invasion on the normally peaceful spa town of Cheltenham (12th-15th) by most of the inhabitants of the island of Ireland and simultaneously seek forgiveness from the good people of Cannes for the unruly behaviour of the British property industry (13th-16th).
That is not to say that bad things don’t happen in March. Of course, they do. For instance, on 15th March, Julius Caesar may have wished he had paid rather more attention to the soothsayer's warning. But even then, if you view his tragedy from the perspective of the sixty or so conspiring senators, they probably all felt rather chuffed with the outcome of their day's work. Despite all the furore the assassination caused, what happened the next day? Surprise, surprise!  The sun rose over the seven hills at 6.21 am (CET) and the very epi-centre of the Roman Republic was bathed again in glorious Spring sunshine.
And it will be the same here on 30 March - that is Brexit day +1. The sun will not disappoint us then either. It will rise exactly on time at 5.41 GMT. And, whilst the weather is unlikely to be quite as balmy as it was in Rome back in 44 BC, the long-range weather forecast here, even for World's End (Fulham), isn't that bad - sunny periods and scattered showers. That said, with Fulham FC meeting Manchester City at Craven Cottage for a 12.30 pm kick off that day, it may well feel like the end of the world for Fulham supporters as they resign themselves to the realities of life next season in the Championship.
Throughout their peak breeding period, March is also noted for the madness of hares. This isn't just a British thing, it happens across Europe. Apparently, boxing and vertical jumping are hares' most favoured pursuits. So, don't be surprised if you see in the coming days Jacob Rees-Mogg, and other politicians, from both sides of the House and both sides of the English Channel, using a Pogo stick to get around the place... or Michel Barnier threatening to finalise the Brexit discussions in the boxing ring. You can be quietly confident though that as soon as we leave March behind us and alight on April Fool’s Day, their behaviour will revert to norm. Heaven help us!
This time ten years ago, six months after the collapse of Mr Lehman and his brothers' business, the Category 5 hurricane that had enveloped the global financial markets was still reaping havoc. In an extraordinarily bold experiment, the US and UK had already introduced quantitative easing but the ECB had resisted. They saw the GFC as an Anglo-Saxon problem. Right! That is until March 2015 when they finally had to concede defeat and bail out Greece and introduce their own QE. As things stand now, asset purchases since the GFC have amounted to an eye-watering $3.6 trillion in the States, €2.5 trillion in the Eurozone and £435 billion in the UK. Someone's weekly pocket money is going to have to be trimmed back quite a lot to repay even a fraction of that!
Whilst Bull and Bear were in another firm's employment ten years ago, their Doomsday observations in March 2009, are enlightening:
Bull: ‘’Sterling is depreciating like there's no tomorrow... and I'm having to consider cancelling my skiing holiday.’’
Bear: ‘’I'd have thought this was exactly the time to panic. We're losing value at the rate of 5% per month.’’
In stark contrast, ten years on, and on the very cusp of the UK leaving the EU when, according to Donald Tusk, some folk are likely to be allocated special lodgings in hell, Bull and Bear's most vexed comments so far have been:
Bull: ‘’We can look forward to a wonderful year of sport. Both the cricket and rugby world cups, and the Ashes should be great events.’’
Bear: ‘’Whilst it is inevitable there will be readjustments to retail rents ... by the end of 2019, the pricing of quality retail assets, in proven locations, may start to look like an attractive investment proposition again.’’
Bull/Bear: ‘’We predict that the UK All Property total return for 2019 will be 3.75%.’’
So, please... let's try and keep the inevitable daily media hype that will be heaped on us over the coming days in some sort of rational context. Our world really isn't going to fall apart. But, if you are not persuaded and you want a more sobering ending to The Weekly, then you may find it interesting to know that, according to the Cleveland Ohio Clinic, demand for vasectomies surges by 50% in March!